Your Summer Olympics

This year, the Olympics are back. Whether you're a sports fan or not, no event brings together so many people in front of the TV, from the comfort of a sofa with a cold beer (or your drink of choice) in hand.

🎯Archery? Bring it on.

🏋🏼‍♀️Weightlifting? Give me three hours.

⚾Men playing a sport that looks like baseball but isn't baseball? Just found out it exists, but it sounds perfect for a nap.

🏇🏼Elegantly dressed riders jumping over obstacles with their horses? No idea why that's an Olympic sport, but I'm saying more, I love you and I want more... and I'll add another beer.

My Olympics, My Rules

The Olympic spirit, pushing the limits of the human body, the epicness of the competition... All well and good... as long as someone else is doing it. With this heat, no one wants to go outside and melt. Here's a list of more accessible alternatives to show that having your own summer games is possible:

1. Free Weight:

Forget the diet for 30 days and hit the all-you-can-eat buffet until they run out of food. You paid for it, you need to get your money's worth.

2. Two-Stage Lift:

Getting up from the sofa or beach chair... with a pause halfway through the squat to breathe and avoid fainting. The sun, the low blood pressure, the extra beers... whatever it is, during this time of year, we all see more black spots than usual because we try to move too fast.

3. Hold the Sail:

What happens if you share a room with mates and one of them hooks up. Not only do you get the fallout, but you might end up sleeping on a lounger or the beach to let your best mate get on with it in peace.

4. 200 Metres... in the Water:

Think about it; you, your favourite floatie, and a body of water that keeps you from ending up on a deserted island. Choose your favourite lake, pool, or stream and let the breeze carry you as you float. Pure adventure.

5. Track Athletics (Nightlife Edition):

You're probably in a place where no one knows you; where you'll never go back... so you can give your soul to the gods of dance every night and join the choreographed routines by the local entertainer. Everything goes: the Macarena, the Cha Cha Slide... all the dance routines you avoid all year are now valid.

6. Grim(ace):

The face you'll make when you're sunburnt and peeling on the first day or if you decide to get those culturally appropriated braids or dress like Harry Styles. Fashion and Shein prices have done a lot of damage, and some outfits should be banned by the UN.

7. GOLF(ing):

No malice or bad intentions... but it's understood that summer is for that. Everyone is lighter, happier, more playful... and more open to games of mind and body.

8. (Bar) Hopping:

You're not young enough to get hammered every day... but summer, the heat, and the beach bar are the perfect excuse to go a little... exercise 7 chapter 3, if you get me? Those moments when everything seems funnier without knowing why.

Sporty? No, Sportiest (and Yes, Tipsy!)

The point is... enjoy yourself without stressing. We won't bore you with manuals and guides to exercise in summer (there are like a million YouTubers doing CrossFit just for you), but we do recommend saving the cardio and workouts for a few days. It's summer. In the immortal words of Eric Morecambe, "I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order." Basically, being cool with yourself (without suffering like the Olympians on TV).

Enjoy Summer and the Olympics Your Way

P.S: And a final tip to avoid even more unwanted consequences of summer sports:

• Handsomefyer Sun if you're out in the sun.
• Sporture to protect thighs, nipples, and other high-friction areas from chafing.